Jon Lajoie

Oh em gee, Jon lajoie is coming to T.O! March 13th @ The Phoenix!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gx3nn6LS6g&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PsnxDQvQpw&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM&feature=channel

Someone's Got A Hate On For Lip Balm...

http://www.kevdo.com/lipbalm/

Ok, so this site is quite something. it's a collection of testimonials from people who share an 'addiction' to lip balm, as well as research on the history of 'deceitful' balm manufacturers. Have to say, this isn't the first time I've heard mention of ingredients in lip glosses and balms that actually cause your lips to dry out, thereby creating further need for the product. Then again, should you manage to kick the balm habit, are we not still addicted to countless other products, such as shampoos and conditioners, which strip natural oils from your scalp and then do a poor job of replacing them? Aren't we all addicted to something, and don't we simply make concessions in terms of which addictions we're willing to beat, and which we're simply willing to keep?

And You Thought Cloverfield Was Scary...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24415128/wid/11915773/

I always knew fakin' n' bakin' was a death sentence.
Girls, you may as well just stay in that tanning bed, and have it double as a casket.
Save your family a whole lot of trouble and dough.

Bandwhaaaaaat?

Ok so at the risk of exposing myself as a total technological dimwit, I pose the question: what is the deal with bandwidth?

What IS it and how do I rationalize it?

I recently moved into a new building on the U of T campus, where internet was included in the monthly rent. Of course, this became a much less alluring selling point once I learned that between my move-in date of May 2nd and Sunday May 4th, I exceeded my weekly alloted bandwidth.
What followed was a correspondence between myself and a faceless IT guy, where he firmly outlined the repercussions for exceeding ones bandwidth. Apparently the first offense is met with a written warning, a get-out-of-jail-card which I have now redeemed, and the second is followed by a 24 hour network cut-off. Kind of like a 24 hour preliminary restraining order, before they issue the real thing.
The IT dude also politely attempted to explain the nature of bits and bytes, and I responded each time with an increasingly sob and guilt-conjuring story describing the various reasons why I cannot live without the internet.

*All of my work is done over the internet, including preparing for upcoming interviews.
* My family lives in Vancouver and I have no landline, so this is the only way I have of keeping in touch with them.
*I have an artificial aorta which is powered purely by bandwidth.

Those types of perfectly normal, perfectly relevant, perfectly rational excuses. Err, reasons. Excusions, basically. Anyway, it turns out the limit in my building, if we're using the miraculously "free" internet that comes included in rent, is 4GB a week. I've been informed that this is equivalent to streaming or downloading ONE movie. Reality check! I watch The Office (US). Religiously. I keep up to date with House. I've recently gotten into Dexter and although there may only be 2 seasons released thus far, it takes a bit of time, and bandwidth so it seems, to watch 2 seasons in 4 days, alright? Take it from me. And don't even get me STARTED on my movie-watching habits.
So, the end result is that I have had put an end to my TV and movie streaming. When my friends send me YouTube links to "the funniest video you will ever see in your entire life", or "the secret to happiness and prosperity" (ok, that one is a virus and I know it, but I'd still like to feel as though I had the OPTION of clicking, if I was dumb enough to do so), I can't view them. My life has become TV-less, and movie-less, and barren. Thank you U of T.
Let me leave you with this striking visual. I have decided that the only way that I can visualize this intangible, arbitrary thing called 'bandwidth' and the fact that I've run out of it, is if I picture a cookie jar. It seems as though what Mr. IT genius is trying to tell me, is that I have eaten MY share of the cookies then reached for my sister's share, and what does he do? He smacks my wrist. And I'm about to lose my cookie privileges altogether! So, I decided to take action. I put on a stern face, and emailed him back immediately. I typed with gusto: "my sister doesn't even LIKE cookies. Plus, my neighbour is away for the summer. May I have her cookies?"
Clever, right? Knowing that I've gotten a handle on this bandwidth business really is a great feeling.
I'll be sure to you know how it all pans out ;)

Check-Ch-Check-Check, Check it Out!

<-----------My current advertising portfolio (mainly print + broadcast)

Politically Incorrect

from Yaletown Magazine, April Issue

This past winter, I spent a fair amount of time back east in Toronto, one of Canada’s frostier cities. It was there that I came to the conclusion that no matter where you are, and no matter how cold it gets, there’s always one idiot girl in a mini skirt, with her legs so red from the biting cold that they appear to be bleeding, and one insane dude in a white t-shirt, parading about like it’s Marrakech in July during a heat wave.

However, I digress so let’s get down to business. I’ve noticed that people—no matter how callous or gentle by nature—always react in the same way when in close proximity with the public transit loonie. Every city, equipped with whatever method of public transport, is frequented by a public transit nutcase. She’s the leathery-faced grandmotherly type with the gap-toothed grin riding the bus, carrying a picnic basket, and trying to touch your arm as she repeats the Lord’s name over and over in vain. Or, it’s the smelly sandpaper-faced gentleman who sloshes Happy Planet on skytrain riders, while yelling all matter of colourful obscenities designed to startle the world into being a more forgiving place.

Every time I bring this up, I am peppered with matter-of-fact reminders that these people are often rejected from institutions before being tossed around by ‘The System’. I know this to be true and empathize, but the fact remains that when a crazy person, no matter how deserving of public assistance, is trying to make physical contact or penetrating my thoughts to tell me outlandish nonsensical stories, it’s both uncomfortable and unwelcome. I don’t think this is an informed or cruel reaction. It’s a human one. I don’t think the solution is to ignore them at all. But whatever the ‘right’ reaction is, everybody proceeds in one of two ways.

The Deaf Half Head Turn

This is where the person who is put in this awkward position opts for an unflattering sort of head tilt, where they turn their head away just enough so as to avoid any eye contact beyond the peripheral, without seeming too rude to listen. It’s somewhere between looking into the speaker’s face and pretending to understand, without actually cutting them off by turning your back to them completely or, worse yet, moving seats. The message is very similar to one that a mother often sends her child: “I won’t give you my full attention so as not to encourage or indulge you. That being said, I can’t take my eyes off you completely in case you do something, well, childlike.” The deaf half head turn is accompanied by either a semi-smile, communicating the message “your craziness amuses me, but not enough for me to try to decode what it is you are raving about”, or the jaw set into a controlled grimace, meaning “can’t you see I’m enjoying my $4 coffee, you crazy old bat?”

The Pleading Patsy

The second reaction is when the victim starts to look around in desperation, attempting to make eye contact with anyone but the person whispering not-so-sweet nothings in their ear. They shift uncomfortably, and then begin with those sitting closest to them. When that fails, they move on to the next row, travelling further and further back with their eyes in a futile effort to find understanding and diversion. Of course, they always come up empty-handed, because every other rider is busy averting their eyes with determined concentration. And so we come full circle. Avoidance begets avoidance and an environment devoid of empathy is just that. Head half turned and looking the other way.

Put Your Chest to the TV Test

Oh my, it has finally happened. That's right ladies and gents, TV's embedded in t-shirts! From what I understand, the new medium is being used solely to broadcast advertisements and branding messages. This was apparently a marketing craze in the U.S which has now been licensed in Canada by a company based in Toronto, called Splash Marketing & Promotions. The sickest part is that they can stick the screen on the front or back of a shirt, a dress, a jacket, whatever!